My mind looks like a 1,000 piece puzzle with a timer and I have to solve it in the limited time that is given to me. I start thinking of all the possible scenarios of what would happen if I don’t finish it on time. Love and friends is a topic that has affected me a lot in my past. I hope that maybe people have a better understanding of me this way.
I’m a hopeless romantic! I believe in true love and soulmates. I love going out to movies outside, walks in the park, slow dancing, and staying up all night just talking. I love getting to know someone’s deep thoughts and dreams. I’m more old-fashioned when it comes to dating. I love the old kind of dating, not the way most people do things now.
What happens when I like a guy? Well, it usually starts with me being just a friend with a guy. Yes, the guys that I’ve liked in the past have all been friends. I feel more comfortable being friends with a guy first, because I get to see who they really are.
When I meet a guy, I don’t think much of it. I might say he’s cute, but that is all. However, once I start to actually get to know him, I start falling for him fast. Now, that may sound normal, but the thing with me is that I always fall for the wrong guys. I never have any luck with guys. You see, when I become friends with a guy they tend to see me as that, just a friend. So of course I have to keep my feelings to myself.
I can admit that sometimes I have no idea why I like a certain guy. I try to find things that we have in common, but their usually small unimportant things. At least that’s what my brain believes. My heart believes that we are meant to be together because we have these small specific things in common. It sounds stupid, right? Anyways, once I fall for this guy, I start seeing him a completely different way. I find anything that he says or does is amazing. I become this desperate girl trying to get the attention of a guy who clearly doesn’t see me the same way. This is the reason why I’ve gotten my heart broken so many times in the past.
An old friend of mines would talk to me about the movie, (500) Days of Summer with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. He would tell me how much he relates to this movie so much. I never understood what he was talking about at first, but then I watched it a couple of times and I get it. I can relate how Tom fell in love with Summer. The way he fell in love with her is the same way I fall for guys, which is the sad truth.
Another movie I can relate to, which I believe probably most women can relate to, is He’s Just Not That Into You with Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long. In this movie it shows different relationships, but the one I can relate to the most is Gigi Haim. The way she analyzes the way Alex has treated her and believes that he liked her the whole time. It seems pretty crazy, but a lot of girls do that sometimes. I know I have done that same thing in the past, which led to a lot of heartbreaks. I was never the exception.
I’ve learned a lot about love and dating over the years. Right now I’m actually not interested in looking for “the one.” Honestly, I’m starting to believe that there’s no one out there for me and I’m starting to be okay with that. Who needs love anyway?
A friends is someone who is there for you in good times and in bad times. A friend is someone who is supportive and encourages you to do better. A friend is someone who will tell you the truth, even if it hurts. A friend is someone you can count on for anything. A friend is someone who knows you better than you know yourself.
To me, this is what a friend is supposed to be like. Unfortunately, I haven’t been lucky enough to keep a friend like this. So, why do I have a hard time keeping a friend? I have no idea. I guess I put myself out there too much and people just tend to take advantage of it. I have had a few best friends in the past and they didn’t work so well. I still talk to them from time to time, but the friendship that we once had is not the same anymore. We grew apart and became completely different people.
For years I’ve always blamed myself for not keeping a friendship. I always blamed myself for not being a good enough friend. That’s when I realized in therapy that I’m not the problem. Yes, there were times that I may not have been a good friend, but I have always tried to make it work.
Anyone would be lucky to be my friend. Why? Because once we become friends, I will always put you first. It’s just the way that I am. I’m the type of friend that will answer your call at 3 in the morning. I’m the type of person that will motivate you to do your best, because I can always see the best in people. Even when the whole world is telling me they are not a good person. I’m the type of friend that will listen to you every time you complain about work, life, relationships, anything.
I’m just the type of friend that won’t give up on our friendship that easily. Over the past seven years I’ve made and lost so many friends in my life. I’ve realized that I’m better off alone; at least for the time being.
I know I have written about love and friendships in a previous post, but this is a topic that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I thought I’d share a few of my thoughts on the subject. Until Next time!