“You’re alive. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything.” – Neil Gaiman
Yesterday I kept reminding myself that I’m still breathing. I’m still here fighting this battle. Yeah, it sucks that I have to fight this battle alone, but it is okay.
Yesterday marked six months since I last self-harmed. I should have felt happy about it but I wasn’t. I wanted to tell someone about it, but I had no one. I’ve been feeling a little sad these past few days. Usually when I start feeling this way I turn to writing or music, but nothing seemed to help.
I just felt lonely. I hate feeling that I have no one to turn to when I’m feeling down. I hate that I don’t have someone in my life. I hate feeling alone. I hate fighting this battle alone. It makes it hard to keep going sometimes.
I tried reaching out to some of my “friends” to spend some time with them, but they’ve all turned me down. It’s very disappointing. I understand that life gets busy and not everyone has time to hangout, but they won’t even try to spend some time with me. It made me feel like something was wrong with me.
I’m having such a hard time accepting the fact that these “friends” are not good friends. These people haven’t been there for me when I really needed them on my bad days. Friendships are important to me and I wish that they felt the same way.
I did hanged out with two other friends yesterday, who have been there for me a few times. I even met a friend of theirs and he was a really nice guy. We went to the Houston Rodeo and it was really fun. Little Big Town performed that night. These two friends don’t know about my depression; at least I don’t think they do. I haven’t exactly opened up to them about it.
“We hold on so tight, but I don’t wanna die, no…and I don’t care if I sing off key. I find myself in my melodies. I sing for love, I sing for me. I shout it out like a bird set free.” – Sia “Bird Set Free”
I haven’t opened up to a lot of people about my struggles. This blog is the only place that I have been open about my depression and anxiety. This blog is the one place that I feel comfortable telling my story. I still have a hard time opening up to people about my struggles. This is something that is very personal to me. I hope that one day I am able to open up to more people about it. I also hope that someday my story inspires someone to open up about their struggles, like it did to me.
“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you + your story will heal somebody else.” – lyanla Vanzant
As I’ve said before on my previous posts, Jared Padalecki has been an inspiration to me. He has helped me get through some difficult times. March 3, 2016 was the one year anniversary for the “Always Keep Fighting” campaign. To celebrate the one year anniversary, Jared made another campaign called “Love Yourself First.” The proceeds to this campaign are going to the organizations: To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA), St. Jude Children’s Hospital, Wounded Warrior Project, Random Acts and SPN Family Crisis Support Network. For more information on this campaign, you can visit www.represent.com/jared.
“Loving yourself is vital in the fight against mental health problems, so I want to encourage y’all to focus on loving yourselves first… each and every one of you is worthy.” – Jared Padalecki
Remember to Love Yourself First! YOU ARE IMPORTANT! Until next time!