Religion is something that I don’t feel comfortable talking about, but I feel like I should talk about my beliefs.
Do you believe in God? What about Angels? Is it possible to believe in one, but not the other?
I’ll be honest, I’ve never actually read the Bible. I’ve tried to read it before, but I had a hard time understanding what’s going on and keeping up with names.
I was raised as a Catholic, but I would go to a Christian church with my neighbors. I remember going to this church summer school every year. I didn’t always like going, but my best friend went to that Christian church so I would go with her. I even went to their Halloween church parties. Those were fun! They had fun games and would give out the big candy bars. Going to that Christian church was the only religious thing that I used to do. I would pray sometimes. My prayers usually involved me asking God to take care of my friends and family.
I used to believe that God was out there and He listened to our prayers. I used to believe that God was real because that’s the way I was raised to believe. I used to have faith in God, but now I’m not so sure there even is a God out there.
“I believe there is a God. But I am not sure he still believes in us.”
Over the years I’ve questioned so many things. Like, if there is a God, why does He let bad things happen to good people? I see so much evil happening around the world. How can He let evil people walk this earth? How can I know that any of the things in the Bible are true? Just because someone put it on a book, doesn’t exactly make it real. Someone once told me that you know God is real, because you can feel His presence. Why can’t I feel His presence? And what about these other religions? How can there be more than one God? For so long, I’ve had a bunch of questions but no answers. It can get really frustrating at times.
The one thing that really made me lose my faith in God was the fact that He never answered my prayers. I spent so many days and nights praying to God for help. I’ve spent so many dark days alone. I asked for signs to let me know that He’s listening but I got nothing. I even blamed myself for it. I believed that maybe I’m just not worthy of His presence. I felt this way for so long until I just gave up. If there really is a God out there, He’s not listening. At least not to me.
My parents never taught me about Angels, but I always believed that I had a Guardian Angel with me. There were so many times that I felt someone watching over me when things got bad. I used to believe in Angels when I lived in California. Now that I live in Texas, I feel like my Guardian Angel stayed behind. It sounds stupid, I know, but it’s true. In 2012, I went back to California with my sister and I felt the presence of my Guardian Angel when I was there. I don’t believe anyone is watching over me here.
I also believe that Angels are real because of my name, Angelica. The origin of the name is Latin, meaning Angel and in Greek, meaning God’s Messenger. I used to believe that I was named Angelica, because I was a messenger of God. I actually believed that I was put on this earth because God had a purpose for me here. I don’t believe that’s true anymore. I was actually named Angelica, because of my ancestors. My great-grandmother was named Angelina and my grandmother was named Angela. So, my mom decided to name me Angelica.
I do believe that the Devil is real. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had a lot of dark moments in the past. I can feel bad presence when it’s near me. It’s probably the same reason why I believe all of these supernatural things are real too. Now, this doesn’t mean that I worship the Devil or anything. I just see more evil in the world, than good. When I do see the good, I try to hold on to it.
Basically, my beliefs are very screwed up. I believe in what I see or feel. I can’t believe in something because someone else says it’s real. I have to see it to believe it. Whenever I do have bad moments, I like to watch the movie, Bruce Almighty. That movie helps me see the things clearly.
“Parting your soup is not a miracle Bruce, it’s a magic trick. A single mom who’s working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that’s a miracle. A teenager who says “no” to drugs and “yes” to an education, that’s a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don’t realize is “they” have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.“
I’m not sure exactly why I decided to write about my faith. This is something that’s been on my mind for a while, so I decided to talk about it. Thanks for reading! Until Next Time!