Posted in Alive, Always Keep Fighting, Anxiety, Depression, Help, Hope, Self-Harm, To Write Love On Her Arms

I’m Still Here

Today marks one year since I last self-harmed. I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. Am I supposed to feel proud and happy that I chose not to hurt myself? Hurting myself shouldn’t even be an option.

I somehow still managed to get through the year. I had to look back in my journal to remember some of the good things that happened to me this past year. To be honest, it was really hard reading the things that I had to go through. I’m amazed at myself for getting through the year without hurting myself.

Here are some of my memorable moments:

  • September 18, 2015: I kept fighting.
  • September 22, 2015: I became a writer.
  • October 15, 2015: I sought help for my mental health.
  • October 22, 2015: I started this blog.
  • October 23, 2015: I wrote a blog post about an old friendship that ended badly. This friend responded to my post and gave me the closure that I needed.
  • October 29, 2015: I started seeing a therapist.
  • November 25, 2015: I wrote a post for the Communities in Schools of Houston blog.
  • December 10, 2015: I wrote myself a note in how to deal with my anxiety in school.
  • December 30, 2015: I started writing a book.
  • January 09, 2016: I quit my job, which was making me miserable.
  • February 02, 2016: I started a gratitude journal.
  • March 03, 2016: I started to love myself.fullsizerender-1
  • May 12, 2016: Jenny Lawson, the author of Furiously Happy, followed me on Twitter.
  • May 19, 2016: I wrote another post for the Communities in Schools of Houston blog.
  • July 30, 2016: G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S. started.
  • August 02, 2016: I fought and found the light when my mind went to a really dark place.
  • August 27, 2016: I gave a friend helpful advice, something that I haven’t done in a really long time.
  • September 13, 2016: I had the opportunity to write an article for the African American News and Issues newspaper and it was Supernatural Day, which made the day even more awesome.
  • September 18, 2016: Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of the To Write Love On Her Arms organization, replied to my post on Twitter.

This past year has been really hard for me. To be honest, I’m a little scared that I won’t make it to another year. I’ve basically faced a lot of dark moments alone and I’m starting to feel like that’s the way it’s always going to be. Me facing the darkness on my own.

All day today I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about this past year and my struggles, but I had no one that can really understand what I’m going through. Even though I may not have someone at the moment to talk to about my feelings, I’m still going to keep fighting for my happiness.

Today I read a blog post by Nikcole Wiles called “What I Do Remember.” Reading about someone else’s past was really inspirational. It gave me hope.

This was published in the To Write Love On Her Arms blog. Nikcole also wrote “A Letter to the Person Considering Suicide,” a very inspirational letter.

If anyone has been keeping up with my blog, I apologize for not updating my blog in over three months. These past few months have been really hard for me. I lost motivation and confidence in myself, which made it hard for me to write anything. I’m slowly starting to find my way back. Thank you for reading. Until Next Time!


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