Today marks one year since I last self-harmed. I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. Am I supposed to feel proud and happy that I chose not to hurt myself? Hurting myself shouldn’t even be an option.
I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve had some time off from school and it’s been really nice to just relax. But having all of this free time for myself is bad for me. Yes, it allows me to relax, but at the same time, it makes me lose my purpose. I think I lost my purpose a while ago. I honestly don’t know why I keep trying to push forward anymore. What’s my purpose? Did I have one at all? Nothing I do feels right anymore. I still feel lost. I still feel like I don’t belong in this world. I keep questioning myself on what I like and I never know the answer. There’s just so much going on in my mind right now.
Lost. Sadness. Anxiousness. Worthless. Unimportant. Hurt. Emptiness. Disappointment. Anger. Worthless. Stuck. Invisible.
I’ve been feeling lots of emotions these past few weeks. It mostly has to do with something that’s been happening these past few weeks.
“You’re alive. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything.” – Neil Gaiman
Yesterday I kept reminding myself that I’m still breathing. I’m still here fighting this battle. Yeah, it sucks that I have to fight this battle alone, but it is okay.
I’ve been feeling really lost for a while. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do next in my life. I started thinking a lot about my past and my future. I’ve been thinking about the person I used to be and how much I have changed. I thought about what my past self say to my situation right now. This is what I would say . . .
LOVE is in the air!
Well, that’s probably not true but Valentines Day is just around the corner. I don’t usually celebrate Valentines Day, but I thought I’d give people ideas for gifts. I love treating people with special gifts. I can’t help it, I’m a giver. Also, I’m a hopeless romantic!
I notice every year how people ask me what they should get for their loved one. I always try to give them ideas that are cute, simple and romantic, but they end up getting stuff that are expensive and that don’t mean a lot. What happened to the simple things? What happened to the real meaning of Valentines Day? What happened to the real love?
I’m going to be incredibly honest in this post. These are some of my thoughts that I’ve been having lately. Just a heads up, it’s not very positive.
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Do you believe in second chances?