Today marks one year since I last self-harmed. I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. Am I supposed to feel proud and happy that I chose not to hurt myself? Hurting myself shouldn’t even be an option.
“You’re alive. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything.” – Neil Gaiman
Yesterday I kept reminding myself that I’m still breathing. I’m still here fighting this battle. Yeah, it sucks that I have to fight this battle alone, but it is okay.
I’ve been feeling really lost for a while. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do next in my life. I started thinking a lot about my past and my future. I’ve been thinking about the person I used to be and how much I have changed. I thought about what my past self say to my situation right now. This is what I would say . . .
I’ve been feeling very weird lately. My mind is filled with mixed emotions and I can’t control them. I feel empty, lost, sad, anxious, and confused. My mind feels like a puzzle and I can’t figure out how to solve it. I’ve been like this for the past three weeks now.
Lately I’ve been looking through my journals and most of it consists of heartbreak, loneliness, depression, anxiety, self-harming, bad friendships, and quotes. As you know, writing is something that’s been helping me deal with my emotions throughout the years. I’m here to share some of the stuff that I’ve written in my journal in the past.
A few years back I had a friend that I used to spend all of my time with and we used to do everything together. We just clicked! Their friendship is one of those that I thought would last a long time. Unfortunately, our friendship ended, because of my lack of communication.